Park Avenue: Money, Power and the American Dream

“Park Avenue: Money, Power and the American Dream” is a fascinating documentary that explains how several elections, the Tea Party movement and other national events have been pushed by the financial elite. It was really an eye-opening documentary and very well told by Alex Gibney. I _highly_ suggest you see this movie (I saw it on Netflix). But it’s available here at PBS: http://video.pbs.org/video/2296684923/ It’s an hour long, and is fascinating to me. Hope you enjoy it too. Makes me really think about how much politics can be bought out, and wonder whether we truly live in a democracy anymore.

my unhealthy ego

I went shopping for pants yesterday. And now I feel awful about myself. My waist is HUGE! I thought I was a 32″ but I am BIG woman now. And I wear a 34″ waist.

This is why I never go clothes shopping. I end up feeling badly about myself.

The real kicker is I have been more active than usual. Yoga 2x a week, long bike rides on Sunday (>16 miles). And commuting by bike to work.

IT DOESNT SEEM FAIR! In the deepest sense. And I know every woman goes through this but i am fighting this reality with every inch of my soul. And it’s frustrating because if I talk about it to others I just get written off.

And I will keep fucking biking anyway even if it isnt helping me lose weight.

Wanna be more like Jennifer Lawrence, less like Liz Lemon

No offense to 30 Rock lovers, but Jennifer Lawrence is my new role model.

Did you see Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars? Then ’nuff said. But just in case, this is what I’m referring to: silly oscar media question

I’m listening to Tina Fey’s Bossypants on audiobook and am terrified by how much her anxieties resemble MY anxieties. For example, her habit of overthinking things, eagerness to please her father, her need for community and her AWKWARDNESS. It’s too eerie. But at the root of that awkwardness are all the anxieties about everything.

Oftentimes when I am anxious, I get distracted. For instance, I want to achieve a certain certification, for which I need to study and then take an exam. All I need to do is sit down with a book, read the book, learn the concepts (most of which I already have some working knowledge), and take an exam. This certification is not THAT important, but yet, just the thought of it produces nausea, a tight upper back, heightened shoulders and the strong urge to schedule that mammogram appointment. (Or maybe even the need to sit down at the MacBook and type out my innermost feelings).

I’m certain it has to do with past anxiety from college and my ability to freak out over the smallest detail in the textbook’s wording. “Just relax” everyone says, but they just don’t know how hard and earnestly I have tried.

Any advice out there?