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procrastinating

I find myself perusing tmz.com, the entertainment section on many news websites, and generally trying to find some satisfying distraction. All this website-jumping, is just making me more anxious. I’m trying to remember what skills I’m good at and how to turn that into a well-paying job. I would LOVE to leave my current job (I KNOW I’m not the only one out there), but am in no position to outright quit. So instead I’m going to try and bargain my way into different job responsibilities.

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up at 4 a.m.

Woke up at 2:30 a.m. this morning.  spent some time surfing the internet reading latest news stories on the Christopher Dorner case.  Spent more time WILF-ing….wondered whether I should go back to sleep or not.

Checked out Design Mom, who always inspires me.  So I thought I’d write a blog post.  Of course, it took me fifteen minutes to find my account username and password, then realize I didn’t have the correct password.  Then another ten minutes to try and remember which email address was linked to it in order to reset my password.  After several tries, here I am.

So far this year has gotten off to a rocky start.  I caught the flu (despite the nose spray flu vaccine I’d gotten in November) for ten days.  Then we went on a pre-planned vacation just as I was getting better.  Then my partner caught my flu, and we’ve been playing catch-up on all the household duties, errands, vet visits, and trying to fit work in somehow.  Talk about your year not starting off as I had hoped.  (Except for the vacation–that went well without a hitch!).

The running was going super well for November and December, but got waylaid by the flu. So Wednesday night, a full month later, we went running for 30 minutes. Yay! I’m signed up for a 5K in March, and I’d like to finish strongly. Some day I’d like to run a half-marathon, but we’ll see. For now, I need running just to stay sane and healthy.

Yesterday and today are days I have “off”, but I’m so busy cleaning, running errands that it certainly doesn’t feel like a day off. However, I did get to sneak in a 90 minute nap. Zzzzzzzz. I LOVE naps.

One of my unofficial new year’s resolutions has been to write more. It’s hard for me since I’m a perfectionist. But I got some inspiration from Anne Lamott:

“You want to hear a small brown-paper-bag miracle? An idea for a new piece came to me the other day, and I hve worked on it for three days in a row now. And it is going SO badly that I think I must be doing something right. I am doing what Woody Allen claimed was 80% of life, before I turned on him–showing up. I’m keeping my butt in the chair. I’m scribbling things, one imperfect sentence at a time. Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor! It will keep you discontent and whiney for your whole life, unless you fight back; and the way you fight back is to make MORE mistakes, and messes, more failings and flailings. Beckett sadi, Fail again; fail better.”

And so I go, awkwardly and imperfectly forward!